I Never Said it Was a Picnic!
Okay, I never said raising you girls was a picnic. Now don't get me wrong... I wouldn't trade it for anything this world has to offer, but it
is hard sometimes - okay - it's hard
most of the time. My days are filled with the office and then to the daycare and then home with my wonderful girls. Grocery buying has turned into the ultimate nightmare, especially when you have two babies in the cart and both are grabbing anything they can get their little grubby hands on! If I weren't the type to scrutinize the cart before going to checkout, I would have found myself purchasing sugar cookies, three cartoon books, two romance novels, a pack of men's gillette shavers, doggy treats (we don't have a dog) a few cat toys (I refuse to let my
human girls play with
animal toys... period!) not to mention the many different brands of shampoo and the pregnancy test that made it into the cart also! Okay, the pregnancy test was certainly not needed - unless it was through divine intervention - hey, I took biology class - I know what it takes!
So getting the groceries into the apartment turns into this weird transfer game where I juggle the bags in one hand, my 13 month old Alicia in the other hand, and manage to convince my 2 year old Ashley to hold onto the toilet paper while we trek from the car to the apartment (this in itself is a tremendous feat! Especially since we live in a basement apartment!)
My girls continue to grow and continue to surprise me with all the new things they pick up... Alicia calls me "mama" unless she really wants something right away, that's when she calls me "maaaaaaaaaa" and Ashley just let me know that she is definitely ready to potty train (I say she is 2 years old but she will
actually be 2 this May!) Ashley now knows how to take off and put on her own clothes, remove her diaper and use a wipe all by herself, and put on her own socks and shoes. Since she also tries to brush her own hair and she is doing really well on brushing her own teeth, you could imagine my amazement at the fact that she won't say "peepee" or "potty" but instead she alerts me by dancing in place while holding her hands to her privates and saying "ill ill ill"!
Needless to say, since this behavior has just begun this week, I have had to scrub out the carpet in the hallway, the bathroom, and re-wash her bed sheets twice this week... so... how long does it last before they finally get how to potty?!?!? I'm sure we will survive through it but most certain that I probably have the cleanest carpet in the world with all of the scrubbing I've done this week alone.
Of course, after putting me through these horrible potty mishaps, the girls tend to do some of the cutest things which just make it all seem fine... we went to the park and they both were so excited that they continued to point at flowers and squirrels and trees all the while, laughing up a storm and saying "oooohhhhhh" and my personal favorite "uh oh - whoa!" Yeah, I think I can handle it!
Note to Self:
It's funny how you get so used to the married life that you become oblivious to other members of the opposite sex and when you get ready to divorce - your dating radar still has a lot of kinks in it... A co-worker actually had to tell me that some guy was hitting on me at the front desk - all the while during his five minutes of talking about restaurants and nice hiking trails to visit, I was obliviously wondering why he was still standing there telling me all this... and then my co-worker says, after he left of course, "Jenn, why did you brush him off like that? Wasn't he cute?" Then it hits me and I ask her, "You mean - he was hitting on me???"
So note to self: You don't wear a wedding band anymore... don't act like you still do.
Alicia at 4 months
This is just a peaceful moment
A Tribute to Mom part 2
Your water breaks and it's accompanied by horrible pain! You are rushed to the hospital and you feel this tremendous pressure as each contraction hits you... "what did I get myself into" you cry as you ask for the epidural... that 2 inch long needle that will be inserted into your spine and you think you might just pass out...
You're on the bed with your legs spread eagle and pushing, the epidural has kicked in and you feel pressure but the pain is significantly less and you thank God you're not giving birth 200 years ago... and finally after umpteen hours you hold her for the first time, umbilical cord still attached and you feel the heartbeat of your brand new little baby! You marvel at how tiny she is and suddenly begin to forget all the pain that you just went through...
At home you cuddle your baby, half sleepy as you try to soothe her and feed her even though you're only running on 3 hours of sleep. You're exhausted and you find yourself spending most of your time making diaper runs and warming bottles and then it hits you... you wouldn't want to be doing anything else at this moment. As she settles in for another signature quick nap, you hold her in your arms and realize you are a MOM and as your fears and insecurities begin to slowly melt away and your instincts that you thought you were born without start kicking in, you know in your heart that you will weather any storm, take on any challenge, and give her the best of you...
Thank you mom for giving me
your best and don't worry, I will give my girls
my best as well. I love you mom.
A Tribute to Mom part 1
You found out that you were about to have a baby... you're already 8 weeks in... what goes on in your head? You try to figure out what bills you will now have to pay - and God - look at the cost for diapers and formula alone - How are you going to clothe your child, are you going to screw up? You go to the Doctor's Appointments and as each month goes by, you see the life you used to have slipping away... you look at those cute jeans you bought 6 months ago and wonder if you will ever get to wear them... will you ever have the strength to get through this?Another couple of months and the toilet has become your new best friend, your girl pals tell you all the crazy things they did last weekend and you wish you could have been there as you rub your ever growing belly. You feel the usual kicks and you start to smile, wondering what this baby will look like - will she have my eyes? Will she be smart? Will she be successful? Will other kids tease her when she goes to school - God I think I'll just die if someone ever breaks her heart!
You get into that final month and things really start to go crazy. Strangers keep rubbing your belly and co-workers make the usual comments, "Wow - You're Huge", "you look like you're going to pop", "You know when I had my baby...", "you should do... that's what I did", and you smile politely at all the comments and recommendations but you just wish people would keep their hands to themselves and you want to tell your co-workers to just shut up!
You get to the count and your due date is fast approaching... you think back to those parenting classes you took and that horrible video they showed you of the woman giving birth and cringe "Oh God, I can't do this!" You feel the tickle as your baby kicks and moves about and smile...
The Reason I Live
You love to throw those horrible little temper tantrums that make me feel older than my 30 years on this planet. You both can't stand it when I try to hug you one at a time and you pull your sisters hair and she bites you and you wrestle just to beat each other out of my lap - never realizing that I end up with the brunt of all your blows. I make you breakfast and you throw it on the floor. I make you lunch, it
ends up on the walls. Dinner sometimes makes it in your mouths but then again, the carpet stains are starting to get hard to scrub out...
I change your diapers while you kick at me, screaming to the point that the neighbors must think I've killed you both a million
times over... I buy you the best of clothes and shoes but you both seem to prefer to play "naked time".
Those cute and educational toys are used as weapons against each other and sometimes I wonder if I'm old enough to be your mom and worry that I'll end up on a talk show with you yelling at me for being a screw up while you curse at the audience, put your cigarette out on the stage - or worse - wave at me from one of those "Girls gone wild" commercials before you flash America!
I sometimes wonder if you even like me when you run in the other direction when I try to get you in the bathtub, or dress you, or even hug you. I know when you get older, you will defy me, disrespect me, be embarrassed when I try to pick you up from school and your friends are all hanging around... the first time you bring a boy home, I am going to clip one of his nails and take a hair sample for forensic evidence...
I'm not going to fool myself, I'm sure when you're 30, you will both understand why moms do what they do and
just like I had to apologize to my mom, I'm sure you will both apologize for what you are about to put me through
and just like my mom, I know I will forgive you both.
What makes me endure this torture??? That answer is simple... my heart leaps when you say "mama" and I tear up everytime I see you lying in your beds at night sleeping, and I know my life has purpose when you give me those wonderful little hugs that you both fight each other to give me. Am I full of myself - no - I'm just a mom.
My Little Angels -
Ashley (my redhead) was born May and will be 2 years old this month. Alicia was born April and just turned 1 this year - she's my blue-eyed munchkin doll. For those of you doing the math, yes, they are 10 months apart in age and although it is a lot of hard work, they are most definitely worth it!
My name is Jenn and I'm getting ready to divorce this upcoming month due to abuse - my daughters won't ever have to deal with him again... so, of course, I tried internet dating just to see what would happen and came to realize that internet dating is a lot like going to the deli... sometimes you get ham, sometimes turkey. The deli always makes sure to tell you that each sandwich comes with a pickle and you are always told your sandwich was made just for you... problem is... when you finally get your order, it is never what you asked the deli for and you find yourself throwing it away and settling for McDonald's - over 1 billion served! YIKES
